A lot of people come to me asking all types of questions. From how to find a partner to how to propose to their partner, I’ve heard and answered them all.One that comes up particularly often is how someone should figure out and fulfill their partner’s desires. This is easier said than done because many couples don’t like to talk about anything that might make their relationship awkward.The first thing you have to realize is that we are all looking for slightly different things in a relationship. Partners don’t often talk about their deepest desires because of the stigma of appearing weird or perverted.
Get Them Talking
A lot of people just flat out will not talk about sex without being lured in to the conversation/ it can make people uncomfortable, feel awkward and even turn them off. This is perfectly okay; it just means that if your partner is like this, you should approach getting them to communicate you in a different manner. Some people try to get open communication channels by scheduling a specific time to talk about things in the relationship and also to try talking about what is next. At first, your partner may well be reluctant to do this but over time they should open up and tell you a lot more about themselves. Your first dates are not really the time to talk about your deepest desires, so many people are in relationships where they haven’t told their partner what they want as there never seems to be a good time to do so. Getting them talking doesn’t mean you have to start being filthy and explicit with your partner.Until you both understand each other a lot better through communication, your progress will mostly be guesswork.
Avoid The Really Awkward Parts
Getting your partner comfortable to talk with you about these kinds of things is all about getting them to relax and open up to you. This just isn’t going to happen too well if your partner thinks that you are going to make fun of what they enjoy and like, so make sure you chat about these kinds of things in a relaxed and comfortable environment. If there’s something you or your partner would really like to try, you could always write things down if there is a particularly strange thing that you want to try.Once you’ve talked about these things and you get around to trying them out, make sure your partner understands how to do them and give them feedback, so that in the future they know how to do it. Whilst feedback isn’t particularly sexy to most people, getting things perfect for next time is totally worth it. You’ll be glad you tried these kinds of things out in the future, so don’t put off having these slightly awkward conversations.
Understand What You Want
If you know there’s a particular thing that you want to try with your partner, this can make it a little easier to talk about things. By you ‘going first’ it should relax your partner, as long as you don’t start with something crazy.Being particularly open minded in these conversations will help you accept and try things out with your partner and you should at least try everything once. Whilst you might not like the idea of certain things, most people will miss out on something fun or enjoyable if they don’t try things out. Of course, if there is something your partner wants to try that crosses your moral or sexual boundaries, you must respect yourself and say no. Give everything a little consideration but make sure that you don’t do anything you don’t want to.On the other hand, if you are trying to get your partner to try something new with you rather than the other way round, make sure that you don’t pressure your partner in to doing things.Talk about things before you just go ahead and try them as your partner might get the wrong idea and be surprised.Finally finding out the things your partner likes can be really quite interesting and you’ll learn a lot about your partner and about your own opinions on things when you go through this process with your partner. Make sure that you pick the right time to talk about these kinds of things and you’ll be right on the way to some great sex and a better relationship. Share as much as you feel comfortable with and remember that your work is never truly done when you are thinking about these kinds of things because people’s tastes change over time and there will always be something new to try. Embrace this as it comes and enjoy your time together with your partner.