Money Killed My Marriage
Can troubled finances kill the romance? Finances can be a large issue in a relationship if both people are not on the same page. Racking up uncontrollable debt or attempting to live above one’s means can prove fatal for an otherwise thriving marriage. Many try to hide their financial miss steps only to find that they end up in a worse place in life than they began. Finances can be a large stressor in general without adding the constant evaluation of another person. When you are married to an individual they tend to find out things about you, sometimes it may be that they find out too much about the person they are in a life contract with. It can be quite difficult to hide things relating to finances because in marriage people tend to use each other’s credit and assets to achieve new status.
When a married couple goes into a bank to get a loan the bank runs both individuals’ credit and reviews the particulars with both parties. This can become stressful if there are any credit cards or loans that up until this point have been undisclosed with your life partner. Even when it seems like both parties were on the same page, if the venture they spent a large amount of money on does not work out, people still have a tendency to blame one another. Children can also add extra financial stressors when they ask for small things that you may not be able to afford at the time, especially when it is in front of other people. This particular type of incident can seem to feel similar to going out to eat with co-workers only to have your debit card surprisingly declined. Overwhelming feelings of shame, embarrassment, and disbelief can set in quickly and at times cause anger. Mishaps of this nature especially if caused by the other half of the relationship can cause bickering which can lead to words that may be true, but not meant to be spoken in such a way. Four things that may cause financial hardship to enhance the likelihood of divorce are as follows:
1. How Did You Accumulate All of This?
Debt, Debt, Debt!!! The accumulation of debt is near the very top of the list if not at the very top of the list of reasons for financial hardship. You can have financial hardship without having large amounts of debt if your salary is minimal. Majority of the time people either do not make enough money to sustain them or make enough money, but do not manage finances well. The lack of financial education is a huge problem in today’s times. In America we dream of the American dream and we can squander all of our finances on it if not careful. Finances should not be a means to an end. Finances should afford individual certain opportunities and if the finances currently obtained do not suffice then circumstances may need to change. Every day in some way there is a couple out there that finds out that their finances are not quite as expected and on top of that, the person they love most in the world is responsible for the financial downfall. Every other part of the relationship may be great, but if financial security is in jeopardy the stress can be undue and lead to overwhelming resentment. The love tends to blend into the shadows of resentment and stress. It can come to the point of hatred for the other individual if some type of reprieve is not met. As humans we have an urge to indulge in things that we want rather it be small things like getting that extra piece of chocolate with dinner or buying a new motorcycle. We want to know that we worked for not only the pleasure of taking care of everyone else, but also to satisfy some want of our own.
2. You are Stressing Me Out, Completely
Stress goes hand in hand with financial problems. Finances afford you the opportunity to participate in life. Without finances or means of some sort you can’t do anything for anyone else including affording the luxury of going to spend time with others. It can be depressing to not be able to afford going to drink a cup of coffee with a friend or buy the candy for the children’s Christmas party. Even if the children are in public school and the actual schooling is free, lunch money, school parties, and book fairs can prove to be problematic if the finances are not available. It can be embarrassing to the child as well, because no child wants to be the one left out or the one that is participating when they know they did not contribute. The child’s feeling of being down and their disappointment in their parents that they look for to care for them can be heartbreaking. When the parents realize just how much their financial status impacts their children it may cause excessive arguing over small things that are unrelated avoiding the actual deep rooted problem.
3. It is you and me
Dreamers versus the analytical realist!!! When in a relationship your financial situations are tied no matter what you would like to believe. If the understood spouse of an individual goes into a bank where they have a joint account they can request loans and credit cards using both credit scores and incomes without their significant other being present. For the dreamer matched with the realist relationship this can prove to be problematic. The dreamer believes that the sky is the limit no matter how bleak the circumstances look. This is in itself a beautiful characteristic to have, but when joint finances are involved and their partner in life is a complete realist the dreamer can take miss steps that can cause a heated hatred filled divorce. This can turn into hate because in all reality the dreamer believes they are doing the necessary steps creating debt in order to further their families future and they tend to hide forms of debt to achieve their dreams in order to surprise their realist other half when the venture becomes a success. When the reality of the situation is realized the realist begins to feel things like resentment and hatred towards the dreamer because they feel as if they took their stability from them, which is very important to a realist.
4. Longing for Better Circumstances
When the circumstances seem as if the parties are drowning alive someone is bound to be tempted to jump ship. Terrible circumstances cause people to long for better circumstances and sometimes it can be by any means necessary. When your own picture shows you glimpses of irreversible doom and gloom the pretty picture painted by another’s deceptively perfect sunny skies can be deceiving. We all want to be successful in life, but giving up on what you have in order to gain something that looks to be better may not prove to be the best decision. The pretty picture usually comes with some sort of catch. For example, the finances of the new suitor may be in order, but the new suitor may be a womanizer or psycho path. Six words come to mind when dealing with these type of situations, and they are: Be Careful What You Wish For.