If you lost the guy who makes your heart soar, you may be asking how to get him back. There are times when we lose relationships that we are relieved and then other times when we are sad. If this was the guy of your dreams, the one you saw the white picket fence and kids running around, you are probably devastated. The problem is that everything you have tried has failed. All the advice that those around you have given, has gone bad, and now you feel like you have made everything that much worse. All too often we ask the wrong people for advice on how to save our relationships and end up sabotaging them completely.
Why we turn to the wrong people
Most often we turn to the people in our lives who either tell us what we want to hear, or are too close to us. We want to hear that the guy we love will be back. We want to hear that it is just going to take time. We want to hear that with some healing time and some jealousy, and they will be begging us back. We all have that friend we call to make it all right. The problem is that they are rarely right about what it is going to take. In an effort to please us, they tell us what we want to hear. If the break up was caused by you having a need to be right, they will tell you, you were right to stand your ground. If you feel like the right thing is to call and beg for him back, they will encourage you to follow your heart. They are good friends, but they are not good advice givers. Turning to these friends can push your guy further away.
The second type of advice that we seek is from those who love us most like our mothers, or best friends. Their advice is never objective. They don’t want to see us hurt so they will tell you whatever it is that will cause you the least amount of pain. Taking the path of less resistance isn’t going to get you the results you want. Your mom will tell you to move along because she doesn’t want to see you hurt any longer. She will probably tell you, you can do better because she thinks you walk on water. Above all, she will tell you that you are too good for him. The truth is that you may, or may not be, but that doesn’t help when you are saying “I want my relationship back”.
I want my relationship back reality check
The reality is that if you want your relationship back it most likely is not going to happen. Even if you are able to repair things and to get back together, your relationship is going to have to change. It just will. There was something inherently wrong with it that led you to this spot right now. If you don’t change, or if it does not change, you are again going to be back in this position and that time it really will be for good. If he broke up with you, there was a reason. For as much as you were enjoying the relationship, he was not. Something was not working for him regardless of if it was for you. You may be able to get your relationship back but it will never be the way that it was. If that is what you want, you may have to examine whether you are willing to change, or if it is best to let go of it now and avoid more hurt.
If you had being going along in your relationship thinking that everything was fine, chances are you were the only one thinking that. Guys don’t break up with girls for no reason. His needs were not being met and either he thought that you were unable to meet them, or he found someone else who could. Both are very painful emotions, but if you want your relationship back in whatever capacity you can have it, you must be willing to accept that you have to change.If you are seeking advice from those around you about how to change him to get him back, that isn’t ever going to happen. You have to seek the advice of others on how to change yourself, either to be the person he needs you to be, or to get over him. Finding the right person to turn to is never an easy thing. The internet can be a great source, unfortunately, just like you seek the advice of those who tell you what you want to hear, you are probably doing the same thing with the articles that you are reading. Perhaps it is time to stop seeking advice and go and talk with your ex to see if there is any way to reverse what is happening.